Anger: Embracing and Managing a Misunderstood Emotion

Anger is one of my favorite topics to explore with parents! 

Often, we tell our kids not to be angry, viewing it as a negative. However, no emotions are bad, including anger. It’s a natural feeling that we all experience from time to time.

Rather than shaming kids when they feel angry, let's focus on fostering a healthier relationship with this emotion. Regardless of your parenting style, you can still maintain boundaries and expectations with your children, and this holds true for anger as well.

Here are three rules to establish around anger:

• 1. You are not allowed to hurt yourself.

• 2. You are not allowed to hurt others around you.

• 3. You are not allowed to damage property that’s not meant to be damaged.

Our goal isn’t to prevent our kids from ever feeling angry, as that's unrealistic. Instead, we should aim to help them safely navigate and express this emotion. Building a toolbox of coping strategies is essential. 

Here are some examples of skills we can teach our kids to help them release and express anger in a safe manner:

• Screaming into a pillow.

• Doing jumping jacks.

• Tearing up a piece of blank paper.

• Using a couch cushion as a drum.

• Squeezing a stress ball.

• Running in place.

• Practicing breathing exercises.

Additionally, it's important to encourage open communication about anger. Teach children to recognize and verbalize their feelings, explaining why they're angry in a calm and respectful way. This helps them understand their emotions better and fosters emotional intelligence.

We can apply this same kind of learning to ourselves, parents. Modeling appropriate ways to handle anger is crucial. Children often learn by watching us, so it is important for you to demonstrate healthy ways to manage your own anger. Show them that it's okay to take a timeout, talk about your feelings, or engage in a relaxing activity when you're upset.

Finally, patience and consistency are key. It takes time for children to learn and practice these skills. Offer encouragement and support as they work through their emotions, and celebrate their progress in managing anger in safe ways.

The beauty of reframing our approach to anger and equipping our children with the right tools, we can help them develop into emotionally intelligent individuals who can handle life's challenges in a constructive and healthy manner. 

If you want to explore more ways to express emotions in safe ways, download my 3 Steps to Calm the Emotional Chaos in Your Home.